Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Friends of Davola's Fearless 2008 Predictions!


It's that time of year when people make their New Year's resolutions that last until maybe the first week of February. But here at Friends of Crazy Joe Davola, we want to go in a different direction, because let's be honest, none of us are going to stop drinking beer, eating too much or try to get to the gym on a regular basis (Skip, Floyd and I are engaged, so we have no incentive to anyway).

So here are Skip and I's fearless 2008 predictions:

TRIP MCFEELY

1. After Indiana wins the National Title in April with a 74-67 victory over Memphis, to no ones surprise the Hoosiers lose a super frosh to the next level, with Brett Finkelmeier declaring for the 2008 NBA Draft.
2. College football adopts a playoff system, but like the bowls, wants to get as many crappy teams as possible involved, similar to Wildcat Youth Baseball. The result is a 102-team tourney spread over two months, with the slogan, "If you win, you're in."

Sadly, Duke still can't qualify.

3. The Chicago Cubs celebrate their last World Series title in 1908 by going 40-122 at newly renamed Jenny Craig Field The Cubs replace the sign at the front of the stadium with the slogan, "Jenny Craig Field, we help you lose weight, while you watch your team lose games."

4. Larry Bird goes on record as saying the Pacers do not have enough character on their team, and thus trades for Zach Randolph, Dale Davis and Lonny Baxter to start for Indiana alongside Jamaal Tinsley and the recently reaquired Ron Artest.


5. The Indianapolis Colts upset the New England Patriots to reach the Super Bowl, with Coach Tony Dungy sitting Peyton Manning in favor of Jim Sorgi because, "Peyton is due for a bad game." Sorgi goes 7-31 for 68 yards and three interceptions in a 34-6 loss to Dallas.

SKIP HOOLIGAN
1. SkinDog goes to Gainesville and steals Tim Teboobs' woman, and gets hitched three days later. SkinDog becomes the hottest internet sensation since this.

2. A tornado sweeps through West Lafayette destroying the campus of Purdue. FEMA awards Purdue millions of dollars to rebuild the campus. Purdue hangs a banner since they all think they've won something. Most PU people aren't smart enought to realize it wasn't the lottery jackpot that the money is coming from.

3. Tony Romo dumps Jessica Simpson and starts dating Estelle Getty, saying he wants a more mature woman. Getty so excited by the news, shits her depends, dies, and is mourned by Lifetime with a continous streak of Golden Girl repeats and the god awful movie with Sly Stallone. Romo then decides to start dating Rue McCallahan, because "she was the naughty one"

4. The NFL decides to rename the Lombardi trophy the Tom Brady trophy, the AFC East, The Tom Brady Division, and the NFL Network the TB Network. In other related news, ABC, CBS, NBC, and the CW all will air 4 straight hours of The Tom Brady Show, starring Tom Brady as Tom, Randy Moss as the Creeper, Wes Welker as DICK, Teddy Bruschi has a limited role as a stroke patient and Bill Belicheck as R.A. Coach (R.A. stands for Raging Asshole). Each week they sit around and watch ESPN and stroke each other off. Sponsorship is said to be at a record high.

5. A new scandal will be brought up at Purdue University as members of the mens basketball team, Chris Kramer, Scott Martin and Rob Hummell are all caught molesting young girls. The girls though were found out to be young sheep. Kramer was said to be heard mumbling "Grass on the field, play ball". Coach Painter obviously distraught says, "We've all done some stupid things, but I commend these boys for at least driving them home" Kramer, Martin and Hummell are suspended for one game each and can no longer wear cotton uniforms because it will further violate the sheep.








1 comment:

JC said...

Jamaal Tinsley has nothing but love for you despite your barbs.